(Not much of) an update

I went to the midwife again on Tuesday. I was hoping, praying, wishing for her to tell me some really good news. I wanted some serious dilation happening. In fact, I wanted to go into labor while I was at the office (how convenient would THAT be??).

But alas... It seems that I have made practically no progress. I'm dilated just baaaaarely (not even a cm) and the effacement is about the same as last week. I was really surprised by this because my braxton hicks contractions have continued to get stronger and more painful over the past week. I have whole days now where I feel constant cramping for hours on end. And I've got some other physical discomfort (of which I will spare you all the details) that led me to believe that progress was being made. But apparently I've made such a nice, comfy home for the little guy that he is content to stay right where he's at.

The midwife does think that he may have dropped down a little more from last week, but a different midwife did last week's exam, so it's sort of hard to know whether he really dropped down more since the exams are sort of subjective.

She told me, and I quote, "I would say that labor is not imminent." Nice, thanks. I laughed when she said that, and I think she started to feel bad for me. She then tried to make me feel a bit better by saying things like, "I've seen worse" and "The baby dropping is really the most important thing..."

She predicted that I have a 50/50 chance of making it to my next appointment. She said she wouldn't be surprised to see me in there again in a week and she wouldn't be shocked if I went into labor on my own before that. She admitted that it wasn't really fair of her to say that, cuz now she'll be right no matter what. But apparently I'm just not a clear cut case and I could go either way.

She asked me if I had a guess on how big the baby is. I said I think he's about average, in the 7-8 pound range, and she agreed. She is guessing that he is on the average to high-average end of the spectrum, around 7.5 - 8 pounds right now. That's a-ok with me, although I'd like him to come out before he gets too much bigger, knowwhatImean?

I also asked her at what point we would start talking about induction. I am really, really hoping to avoid an induction. I want this baby to come on his own. With induction often comes longer, harder labor, as well as a higher risk of c-section. But at some point, the risks of leaving the baby in outweigh the risks of an induction, and you run out of options.

My next appointment is on Monday, and at that appointment we'll talk more about what will happen at the appointment after that, which would be my 41-week appointment. At 41 weeks, you're a week late, and they begin doing stress tests on the baby, to see whether he's still doing ok. If all signs are totally positive, they leave well enough alone and I would be coming back to the office every 2-3 days for further testing. They want to make sure his heart rate stays where it should, that he has enough amniotic fluid, etc. With most doctors and midwives, 42 weeks is the cutoff for how long they'll let a pregnancy go without inducing labor. That's because the baby is only capable of living safely inside you for so long, and after a certain point, the placenta stops functioning at its peak and the baby can go into distress.

She basically indicated that at 41 weeks, they leave it up to me. If I want to induce at that point, they will. If the baby looks like he's still thriving, though, and I want to wait a few more days or a week, we can wait. My midwives know (and agree with) my personal preference to not induce, so as of right now, I plan to be in it for the long haul. Of course, I reserve the right the change my mind if the false contractions and other physical discomforts just become too unbearable. But for now, I feel like I've made it this far... I can give him an extra week to come on his own (as long as he promises not to grow too much).

I don't know why I've been so convinced that this little Rhino is going to come early. It goes against my nature to have that sort of an optimistic outlook on it. Normally, knowing my luck, I would expect to go well past my due date. But I just keep feeling like his arrival is less than a day away. Every morning I wake up feeling like this is the day. I think it's because I felt him drop so early and I've felt the contractions for over a month now... it just seems like I've been *thisclose* for weeks. I leave the midwives' office discouraged, but by the end of the night, I've convinced myself again that every pregnancy is different, and the labor "signs" they look for really don't mean much. You can be 0 cm dilated and go into labor that night, or you can walk around 3 cm dilated for weeks. Everyone is different.

On the bright side, I really didn't want him to be born on Mike's birthday, and I've been a little worried about that happening throughout the entire pregnancy. So I'm glad we're past his birthday, and they will each get to have their own day. Mike didn't seem to care all that much either way. He says birthdays are "just another day." But I have a thing about birthdays... I love them. I don't know why, exactly. I just like to celebrate the days that people I love came into existence, I guess. I love that everyone gets a different day in a different month or a different season. And I'm not one to get too hung up on aging another year... I figure that growing another year older is better than the alternative.

Now, I'm still hoping he isn't born on Sept. 11... but to be honest, I'd prefer Sept. 11 to Sept. 7, so if he comes on that date, so be it. Does that make me weird?

Soooooo, to wrap up all my ramblings: I'm still pregnant. And probably will be for a while.